Psychology of Relationship Selling in Social Media

The Psychology of Relationship Selling In the early ninety’s I was introduced to a great sales book called the Psychology of Relationship Sellingwritten by DR. Orv Owens.  In this manual for sales people the topic discusses the motivations of the buyer and the fear triggers of both the seller and the buyer, how they work together in the art of the sales process.  I am not an author of DR. Owens magnitude nor do I claim to understand phycology at his level. But referencing the book the other night I wondered how some of the insights of this manual may have changed in the new era of social media and the no face to face contact sales tools of Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, and LinkedIn. Since this is a Blog and not a book let me just focus of four comparisons to get the conversation started.

In his book Psychology of Relationship Selling Dr. Owens labels five  personalities / motivations which he challenges sales people to identify on first meetings and to quickly chart a course of communications that best fit that personality. Four of the five are Fear motivated Personalities and the Fifth is Love Motivated Personality.

The Five Motivations (personalities) of life:

Fatalist – Motivated by fear of failure / fear of responsibility –  This personality has traits of someone whom always has a story for not taking on responsibility , they stand you up on appointments, have bed credit and have a difficult time staying on one job.  This personality has a belief that every thing they try is a disaster and so the fear of failure makes them refuse to TRY.

Exasperator: – They are the Exasperators, they argue with you about everything.  If you say it is a beautiful day they will tell you it is the opposite.  They are physical beings. You see, with the exasperator, you are not their friend, you are THEIR FRIEND!  They own you! DR. Owens goes on to tell us that Exasperators are the guys that drive the steam roller on the highway repair crew, very energetic and physical.

Appraiser: –  The organized one in the crowd. They fear unorganized or non-structured environments. Accurate, accountable, Absolute, Anti-social the Appraiser might be best described with the word Actually. When saying the word Actually to n Appraiser you take them forward in the conversation because they are going to want to get pas the fat to the core of the issue.

Relater: – People oriented, they love the social world and love people. They fear ridicule so tend to keep it safe. They like to please everyone. Your Respect is their desired prize. A Give and receive attitude that centers around what they give and the thank you that you give back. They want some responsibility but maybe not the top or best in the office. They are reactionary in nature.

Love Motivated individuals: Have recognized the four fears above and conquered them: fear of rejection, fear of ambiguity, fear of loss of position and fear of failure.   Love motivated individual will have the following; love of self, love of authority, love of family, love of people, love of productivity. They are more friendly than the relater, but won’t get upset if someone dislikes them, they more of a perfectionist than the appraiser, but are flexible with people and perfectionists with things.

So how does that apply to Social Media in todays sales word?

First realize that all five traits are in everyone, but individuals will have a strong trait that drives their actions.

It might seem that the perfect answer would be that the Relater or the Love motivated individual would be the prefered customer or friend in social media but I feel that it is not about who is best but about if you can identify them and  customize communicate with them in order to move the prospect or friend into a customer.

Fatalists on Social Media could look like this:  They work hard at communicating with you, they seem engaged however always are missing a meeting or have an excuse why they have not finished an exercise you requested of them.  When you push them to commit they will disappear on you because they are sure that they about to fail or are going to lose miserably because they believe that they always fail.  These are the prospects that often sound like a positive lead that drag you along for as long as possible but then never come through. they are your pipeline clogger.

Exasperators: these are your Power friends on Facebook and Twitter. they respond to every photo and commit because they want everyone to know they own you.  They will test your patience, they will argue with you on everything. They are hard to get a commitment from because they enjoy the position of power and want buying to be their decision. And that is the key, you must give  them the power and make it sound like it is their idea, not only that but since it is their idea they are doing you a favor in buying it.

The Appraiser is definitely turned off by the unorganized social media presentation. A webinar with lots of disruption and un-organization will turn them off to your company or idea. You are considered dangerous or a company which can’t handle their important business. They will be impressed with dashboards and tools which give detailed reports. Great statistical analysis will give them a feeling of comfort and trust.

The Relater they love to follow you and listen to you and to share with you in order to gain respect. They will share insight and talk with you in length to understand the process, your part in the company and how your relationship will  continue in the future if they buy. It is important that this is a relationship that does not end with the sale.  this is the Facebook user that will commit on your status and will be hurt if you don’t commit on their commit. In the sales process you must commit to the relationship and show them respect and love in return.

The Love Motivated Consumer is all about the learning and growing of self.They appreciate your adding to the value of their lives and are encouraged by the new tools and education your bring to their lives. However they also don’t always feel like they need anything, they are good, they love the relationship part of the relationship but might not want to buy from you. they need you to be love motivated also, and will politely dismiss you if you are not. If you lose this sale you might check your motivations at the door.

If you would like to understand this more, do yourself a favor and get a copy of Dr. Orv Owens book. It is obviously more complicated than I have made it, but I thought the concept was something that needed to be explored. Give me some feedback and let’s develop this thought further.


Draft your Marketing Team

ESPN's broadcast set for the 2009 National Foo...

Image via Wikipedia

One of my favorite sports events will take place in less than a week, The NFL Draft.  As I sit here today wondering if my team will trade up to get that special player or draft safe and stay on the path laid out before it, I started building an idea for this Blog.

What if all the marketing tools and vehicles were laid out before you in a draft format and you and your competitors had to draft your marketing tools and team?   Which tools and resources would be crucial for you to draft a winning team and strategy for your run to success.  Ok this is not going to be one of those top five lists that fits everyone. But Maybe you can find some fun and humor in thinking outside the box for  a minute.

So here are the rules:

You and your top four competitors have to draft from the same pool of Marketing Tools and vehicles to market your company’s website.  You Get the first pick but assume your competitors think similarly to you and they get your next three top tools. You get the fourth pick ect  until all the tools are gone. Want to give it a go? 

Here is your list of Draft Prospects:

  1. Facebook Page
  2. Facebook PPC
  3. Twitter
  4. LinkedIn
  5. YouTube
  6. Vertical Response
  7. Constant Contact
  8. Television
  9. Cable
  10. Radio
  11. Newspaper
  12. Magazine
  13. Groupon
  14. Living social
  15. Web Directories
  16. Yext Tags
  17. Blog
  18. White Papers
  19. Direct Mail (Bulk)
  20. Direct Mail Postcards
  21. Direct Mail Variable Data
  22. PURLS ( Personalized URL)
  23. Mobile Web
  24. Mobile App
  25. SMS TEXT Marketing
  26. Mobile ADS
  27. WEB ADS (320 x 260 etc…)
  28. Links
  29. Craigslist
  30. Google Ad words
  31. Yahoo  Life engine ads
  32. Tradeshows

Ok that is the list for this Draft.  You can’t have everything.  Your job is to pick eight vehicles for your marketing plan. Once again to play fairly you must assume your list is identical to your competitors so you only get a pick every four selections (1,5,9,13,17,21,25,29)

So what is your Draft board look like.

Here is mine without explanation :


2)Facebook PPC

3) SMS TEXT marketing

4) Direct Mail Post Cards

5)Yext Tags


7)Web Ads

8)Web Directories

Ok send me your draft list – lets see your strategy.  Have some fun.

Say it with Me: Social Media is Part of Marketing | Social Media Today

I read a great blog today written by Wendy Bryant, on Social Media Today blog post. She was discussing her feelings on Social Media and the word a lot of business owners and managers forget in that statement “Marketing”.  The summary below I believe sums up all the hype better than anything I have read to date. Maybe because like so many others she is not selling me anything, she is trying to offer good sound advice. Great work Wendy

What’s the lesson here? Human connection. This brand did not solve my problem online; they took it offline and used good old, fashioned customer service. They wowed me. I felt appreciated and my faith in that brand was restored. Remember, you are on social to connect, connect and re-connect. It’s going to be good and bad. Be prepared. Be willing to acknowledge your mistakes, fix problems and help your clients. That’s what every business does: makes their customers happy. I don’t care if you’re a B2B or B2C company—get over it. We all have customers and we all have to make them happy.

Back to my opening comment, social media is part of the marketing mix. Say that with me.

Once you start thinking about social media this way your perspective will change. I agree with Doug Stephens of Retail Prophet, social media won’t save your business. You’ve got to look deep inside your company and figure out what’s right for you. If your brand is suffering fix it. Social media isn’t going to fix it. Social media doesn’t replace all your traditional media; it enhances, enriches and connects you in a way you’ve never been connected before. Get ready because it’s not going away and will continue to evolve.

via Say it with Me: Social Media is Part of Marketing | Social Media Today.

Online marketing is inexpensive way to build customer base | Reno Gazette-Journal |

Online Marketing is all the craze. However most local businesses just are spending a lot of time and effort on social media that does not return the investment. Engagement in social media is crucial and until a company invests in that engagement with their consumer they will not recognize the success they are looking for in their campaigns.

Article this morning in the RGJ from Chuck McCumber at UNR discusses services that UNR offers for local business to help understand and apply a social media strategy. Give it a read.

Many companies have changed their marketing campaigns to include social media and interactive websites, taking advantage of nearly free advertising tools and focusing on the two largest referral sources — Google and your friends.The tools are available, but many businesses dont have the knowledge to build or use them effectively. That comes with practice. We found we could advise our clients on the importance of using these tools, but we didnt get sustained traction if they werent engaging in the strategies themselves.So, we developed a Digital Marketing Workshop to teach the basics and give people hands-on experience. Offered quarterly find it on the Business Training Calendar at, the workshop covers the process of purchasing a domain name and hosting and building a website. We assist in integrating social media profiles and building content that will drive traffic.

via Chuck McCumber, UNR: Online marketing is inexpensive way to build customer base | Reno Gazette-Journal |